"Don't Dream It's Over"

Thank God! My long two-week national nightmare is over. Quarantine has expired, and I can go out and do anything I want. You know, within reason and social distancing guidelines...

Time to jump for joy!

This was my best imitation of the jump for joy seen in Anchorman.

Ok, so if you can't tell what this possibly be from-- and you shouldn't be able to-- I signed up for an "Instagram Tour of Cork" today. Which apparently means you try and find Instagrammable locations, weird walls and stuff, and take pictures in front of them. Thankfully when you do sign up for this ($20) tour, someone will take the pictures for you.

So here's the deal, I show up to this cool looking church, St. Finn Barr's cathedral, expecting a group of eager tourist idiots. The email did say if there were less than 3 people it would be canceled. That being said, I showed up at this place:

and just encountered only tour guide Ioana. Apparently times *must* be tough, because she was willing to waste hours of her time just for this $20.

She was however ready to instruct me in the ways of Instagram. Turns out, I've been doing it wrong. Here are just some of the things I learned today:

1) I'm never going to make it as an Insta influencer if I just keep making up my own hashtags. People will never find me. #idcidowhatiwant

2) According to her, I should use the maximum number of 20 total hashtags every time I post. As she showed me on her lovely profile. Which I found annoying on every one of her posts.

3) Saturation is the best way to get color to pop in your picture (see below)

almost looks like a kid colored in the red on some of this...

4) She couldn't have been that creeped out by me, as she scored about a 34 in the "boyfriend game". The "boyfriend game", which I made up, is the number of minutes it takes for a girlfriend with a boyfriend to mention that she has a boyfriend to another male. Not bad! Not, you know, "the limit does not exist" minutes, but not 2 or 3 sentences in either.

In terms of tours I've been on, it was a bit light on history (she brought out a cheat sheet once or twice), and a bit high on "this is how you use Instagram". But hey, I'll take a walk in the city with another human being on a Friday morning vs. spending 95% of my day in a studio apartment any day!

She was a big fan of graffiti, making me take pictures in front of a bunch of street art situations:

But had surprisingly little details about the art. Like "who are these two people fighting? are they dudes bc facial hair on the one?" Or "Who are these people in the window?". Those tended to not have good answers.

She did know the full details from the Irish side about the National Monument here

She also made me use a "Dutch Angle"... #sittinsideways

Turns out that just because that song Zombie mentions the year 1916, does not mean it's featured here. I should do some "non-musical research" about Ireland at some point I guess. Weirdly, it also had an American shield/flag on it, proving we are good for something as a country

See, I knew 1776! (It's a musical)

After that, all I have a picture of is a weird Irish lady selling onions

I was told these ladies were called "Shawlies"

Look, I was grateful for the couple hours walk around the city, some company, and a morning that didn't involve me just sleeping until my American work hours. What I did vow today-- mission accomplished-- is that in honor of my leaving quarantine/Rosh Hashannah/general giddiness that I'd actually break Keto for one meal for the first time in 6 weeks. I know, I know, you should fast on the high holy days, but we all honor in our own ways, right?

So, I would I highly recommend the Strasbourg Goose, the restaurant I chose after internet research and ignoring the dumb suggestions of my earlier tour guide.

Seafood chowder with fresh baked brown bread, and 14 hour slow cooked pork with oven roasted vegetables and mulled wine sauce. Try no carbs for 6 weeks, and then eat this, and you will... just feel sleepy and amazing. I might actually get back on a normal sleep schedule soon. That brown bread is the best thing I've tasted in a long, long time. Back on the diet tomorrow though.

What'd I do after a huge meal? Walk through crowded streets, listen to street music, look at random shit, and of course write this blog post. Also, the Lee River was super high today, overflowing and, what's good to know, these stupid bike racks can survive mile flooding here. People who parked here were kinda screwed though.

Now I wanna ride a bike even less...

Random Things:

"Silence is Golden". Say this to someone talking shit about you in Irish

-The man bun hairstyle is alive and well here. As are track suits. I like one of those 2 things.

Well, I guess if they ask for it #OBJ

-Salt beef here = Corned Beef, like American style.

Bacon = sometimes Corned Beef, as in Corned Beef and Cabbage.

Bacon = sometimes Bacon, sometimes ham, sometimes something we don't have in the states. There's not a ton of logic behind it.

Moment of Zen