"In A Couple of Minutes the Bottle of Guinness is Finished"

You are now allowed to... officially enjoy this post?

Lot to write about here. Tipperary. Waterford. Kilkenny. A day of Dublin. Life comes at you pretty fast sometimes, and if you actually look and don't miss it, you're probably not going to write about it immediately.

Ok, so Tipperary. It may be a long way to Tipperary, but that *really* doesn't mean you should take it.

Unlike Frankie said, not "My Way"

Really the whole purpose of going here was it was *kind of* on the way to Waterford, and I had *kind of* heard of this song in the aforementioned song lyric. I had a decent breakfast here, scones and honeycomb-orange cheesecake, which was oddly enough at a place called "Brazil's". But let me say this-- unless there's a crazy festival going on here, or unless you have an obsession with visiting non-picturesque Irish towns, there's really no reason to ever go here.

Ok, so let's fast forward to Waterford. Turns out, at least from Cork, Tipperary really isn't on the way here. But that's ok! Turns out, if you like medieval history, or vikings, or glassware, this is a pretty cool town for you to visit! For those of you who actually read this blog and pay attention to the words, here's a crystalline preview of an upcoming tattoo for yours truly.

This would make a great tattoo, right? It's the symbol of Ireland, it's musical, it rhymes with "carp", all great things. You know what, if you think it's a bad idea just don't tell me until August 14... I like making bad decisions that later turn out only slightly regretful.

Yes, yes, if it's not immediately obvious, the admittedly not that classy me went on a tour of the Waterford crystal factory. You have to if the town's named after it, right? Plus I forgot about the Corning glass tour I took when I was a kid (sorry Mom and Dad). Here's some random pics of crystal (it's not glass if it has above a certain lead content... the more you know!). Feel free to skip over these if it's not your cup of tea... almost made that into a glassware pun but couldn't shoehorn one in... oh man, that almost evoked a glass slipper reference. Nope, not going for it.

If you know anything about me, I enjoy the finer things in life, and have always purchased the best glassware that Ikea, or say, a cheap brewery can provide. Nevertheless, bought me a banging set of glasses here... they really guilt you into it during the tour. And yet they don't give a discount...

I think these are them... I didn't take an actual picture because I wanted to ship them so I didn't heartlessly and instantly break my sweet, sweet crystal old fashioned glasses.

After recklessly spending money like the opposite of Scrooge McDuck (Splurge McDuck?), the parents and I went hog wild and went to a medieval museum. You know, like you do when you're in a town that has such neighborhoods as the "Viking Triangle"

Who run the world? Parents. Or Vikings actually. Depends when you're asking, sorry Queen Bey.

What I will say about the museum is this-- if you really care about some expensive vestments made in the 13th century with 22 karat gold, this is the place for you. It is really cool that they also have a museum that's built upon 2 separate buildings from the middle ages... quick pic from the dark "Mayor's wine cellar" below.

You know what's not in these barrels? Actual wine. Disappointing.

If you don't care about these things, just take a picture of the massive tree-sword outside.

You know what? I googled "names for swords" and "names of ents" and tried REALLY hard to come up with a pun here for like 15 minutes. I just want you to know I put the work in. *sigh*

Anyhow, it was pouring rain in Waterford... it's almost like they anticipated that in the name of the city, right? We stayed at a B&B for the night... I'd say my dinner was nothing to write home about, and hence not sharing the pics below. Suffice it to say, long day, looked forward to the next day.

Kilkenny! The city that first made me fall in love with Ireland. Medieval buildings, rivers, a pretty Irish girl on a field hockey team who stole my glasses and called me "Sahhhm" (I think her name was Allie O'Connor, but Steve Bailey will have to fact check me here...). That's right, that's how easy it is to get me to love your country.

Anyhow, much like my first visit, it was pouring rain. Took a nostalgic picture update of a picture I'd taken 6 years ago.

(my phone camera is much better now apparently...) Left was in 2013, Right was now.

Anyhow, when it's pouring rain, apparently you don't feel like exploring your old medieval stomping grounds for that long. Time to call an audible for a "Sam detour" (it's an audible when you like what you're about to do and the other people with you don't...).

Whiskey tour! My favorite whiskey I've had here in Ireland was a bottle called "Writer's Tears", and unfortunately for my parents, its distillery (Royal Oak Distillery) was on the way between Kilkenny and Dublin. Mwahahahahahaha.

I'll spare you the whole "here's how they make the wort", "what kind of grains/barley are used", and "did you know they triple distill it?" stuff. Here's a picture of me standing by the stills.

You know, for Irish people who talked shit about the Scots, turned out all of their equipment was from Scotland.

I was unfortunate enough to have missed the group tour, but one of the two guys working here named Paddy was fortunately not busy so I got a private tour instead! Here's a weird picture of him either pranking me or figuring out how to not take a selfie with my phone.

I swear he wasn't crazy... except for the part if he told me if I took my phone into the distillation room we'd get blown to smithereens and I'd have to jump in the pond.

Did I make some irresponsible purchases? No, my parents did that for me somehow! Whew, dodged that financial bullet. I do highly recommend Writer's Tears or The Irishman-- high quality stuff if you can get it. Hell, if you tell me before I leave the Emerald Isle, I might even grab you a bottle. Btw, "Writer's Tears" is apparently called that because the great tradition of Irish authors had them drinking so much whiskey, that literally when they would write sad or poignant passages, their tears were of such high alcohol content that they were themselves whiskey #irishfacts.

Dublin. This was quite a couple of days! I'll cover at least the first day or so of it... I am here, after all, for at least another week after this.

Still, you have to wedge as much as you can in!

Got to Dublin, staying in Temple Bar... yes, yes, I know, super touristy. The apartment key retrieval process was... complicated. But the location on Cow's Lane? Ideal. We decided to celebrate with Boxty and Boxty fries, which is pretty much as Irish as you get.

You know, where I'm from, we'd call Boxty "potato pancakes stuffed with stuff", and the Boxty fries "cut up potato pancakes that are fried". But you know what? Delicious. If you're a Boxty fan, Gallagher's Boxty House is pretty great. Don't you haters get on me about the carbs here... it's Ireland.

What do you do after a VERY filling meal? You scout out traditional music of course! First couple of bars-- Hairy Lemon and Bull and Castle-- didn't really pan out. Third bar (and I did not name this, Irish people did), Darkey Kelly's really did though. Here's a quick clip.

After this, and quite a bit of driving through the rain in the day, it was time to call it an early night. Had to return the rental car in the morning, plus go to the Guinness Storehouse and see the Book of Kells-- it was hopefully going to be a big day!

Interlude: Big Day? Doing What?

I'll tell you what: Having some Guinness, seeing some old buildings, and enjoying life.

I practically (you know what? actually.) tripped over Christ Church Cathedral on my way walking to the Guinness Storehouse... fun fact for later, breweries were called storehouses because they stored yeast.

Churches are pretty.

I know that the Guinness Storehouse is the epitome of a tourist trap-- almost 2 million people go there a year, it's not rustic in any way, shape or form. But dammit, I like Guinness, and I heard you get to do some cool stuff there! More on that later.

Proof that I was actually here.

Did you know they had a "zoo" of various animals that were in Guinness ads? Here's a couple of them.

If Wix let me add captions to multiple pix, I'd say that Guinness has both my seal of approval and I'd go through shell to drink one. But it doesn't, so let's ignore bad puns and move forward amicably.

The BEST part about the Guinness thing-- and you should pay extra to do it, even if you don't do a tour-- is the "Stoutie". You get to have your face in beer! And then, literally, drink your face off! It's the kind of narcissism I can truly get behind.

Apologies to those who would have wanted a "Sanders face"... I too wanted that, but without my glasses on I was fortunate to get any decent representation of me in foam. What a world we live in these days! You also get to have an amazing view of Dublin, and learn how to pour your own Guinness properly. All in all, if you can even tolerate a Guinness, you gotta go on at least part of this tour.

I always imagined seeing Dublin through a haze of Guinness, but this is ridiculous [Groucho voice]

After some drinks, and some Guinness-inspired food, we were ready for some history! Who doesn't want to see the Book of Kells and the Long Room of the Trinity Library after a couple of pints?

Ok, so I may have learned that I don't want to see the book of Kells after a couple of pints. You can't take pictures, you can only see two pages, and there's hordes of tourists crowded around it.

BUT, the Long Room? Outstanding. Some say it even inspired the Library in Attack of the Clones #Irishfacts

Bottom line. Cool Library? Worth the price of admission. Book surviving from the middle ages? Meh.

I'm about to head out to dinner, so I'll truncate this here and pick up again soon!

Random Things

-Irish dudes can really wear a vest.

WHEN DID THIS ERA END? WHY DID IT END? WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN? P.S. Butt is a term for a large barrel.

-You know what, this isn't irish-specific, but I really hate people who say "mid rare" instead of "medium rare". No reason.

I was surprised by Molly Malone's protuberances. I was not surprised by how shiny they were from repeated...buffing.

Apparently, wherever you go in Tipperary Town, there's a BBW.

Moment of Zen