India? Go go.

Well.  It’s been a minute since I’ve written on this site.  But nothing like a long flight with no wifi and boredom to fuel some blog writing! 

Here’s the deal: It’s hard to get to India from the states.  Especially if you’re not in a major city.  How did I get there?  NSH – IAD – ZRH – BOM.  23 hours.  Not the most fun of flight series… but with poor man’s first class (no one next to you so you can stretch out), it was far from sheer misery. 

But what’s a day of your life?  I’ll remember a lot from this trip, brief though it was.  A day on each end for four days in between in Mumbai and Delhi.  All my reminisces below I’ll base on my own proprietary “Triple H” system.  Basically:

-Hospitality- The people here were really incredibly kind and helpful.  Even for a “gora” like myself.  Not just those who I worked with, or paid to help me.  Strangers would be very helpful, and in fact, other Indians would look askance at me if I wasn’t being helpful (but I didn’t know anything!!!)

-Hustling- Indians are hustling man.  In every way I could mean it.  People have dawn jobs, day jobs and night jobs.  One of my drivers told me he takes the train 2.5 hours each way every day just to get to his driving job, which was a good one.  One of my tour guides was an actress for her main job, but did tours and another job to supplement income.  People here work.  There’s no “living wage” or “hybrid work schedule” talk… just hustling and getting stuff done. 

Then there’s the other side of the hustling too… They’re great negotiators.  Whether trying to get a little more of a tip, or taking you to one of their friends’ businesses, or even in my professional setting trying to arrange press junkets, they’re always trying to get a little extra.  Not in a bad way!  No one tried to deceive me or anything, they just tried to squeeze every drop.  Really made me think “Wow, I don’t have this gene in me”.

Hosting- People take this really seriously here!  Our hosts did everything for me… paid for hotel rooms, car services, gifts, and wouldn’t take no for an answer.  So generous.  I know it’s kind of duplicative with Hospitality, but I’ve slept about 10 total hours this week so give me a break. 

Here’s a few thoughts from each:

Mumbai- Definitely the coolest thing I did here was go on a dawn tour of a few places—Sassoon Docks, Flower Market, Fruit/Vegetable Market, Newspaper sorting place.  Some cool things here:

Docks/Markets- Apparently the women handle the fish market place, and are AMAZING negotiators.  Needless to say, because they were selling wholesale, I didn’t want fish, and I hate haggling, I did not engage with them at all.  Also, I was informed by my actress guide lady that they really don’t like taking pictures… so I only got one from a distance.  I will say the off-putting part here to me was just the “almost on the ground nature” of all the fish.  It wasn’t like Tsukiji in Tokyo where things were carefully iced and doled out.  As my guide explained to me, all this fish would be sold quickly, so there was little need for icing.  But the smell?  Not the best.  They gave shoe covers so you could walk through here… but I’ll tell you, stuff still got soaked in. 

Man, I wish I could have taken pictures of angry sounding ladies hawking fish without getting yelled at.

The other markets felt more touristy to me (I talked with locals about the docks, and it’s apparently legit).  The flower market was basically just so they could fan out all 108 (I think that’s the number?) petals of a lotus flower for me.  And so they could make me a jasmine bracelet.  Did you know they exchange marigold wreaths at weddings???  I didn’t, but I don’t really pay attention, despite attending an Indian wedding at some point in my life. 

I broke the “don’t eat street food” rule I set out for myself here going to the fruit / vegetable market.  Look, when some actress lady tour guide just hands you things to take a bite out of… you do it.  One fruit was called a “Cheekto”? (Sp.?). Was like a gritty plum.  Then I tired some alphonso mangoes which are in season and apparently a huge deal here.  But I drew the line at the tiny bananas (insert joke here)—I truly hate bananas and every man has his limit. 

I think this was some kind of super bitter melon or something?

Local “Bodega-like” shops- Apparently they have these little bodega like shops everywhere here.  Like little stands where you pick up some goodies.  But also people have the equivalent of “milkmen” here, where if you just leave a bag outside your place, they’ll throw a milk in there.  I mention this not because it’s revolutionary, but because it’s so localized.  People know people in their little area very well. 

Say it with me: bo - de - ga (because I forgot what it's actually called)

No Preservatives- Well, let’s compare this with American society.  On the plus side, our fruits / vegetables last a super long time.  On the minus side, you can do that thing where you can scrape enough wax off an apple to start a fire (google it!). 

Here there’s no such thing.  You eat stuff immediately or it rots.  So get it while its fresh. 

Litter- There’s no getting around this.  And I feel bad for mentioning it.  And my guide even said “oh, you Americans thing it’s very dirty here… even with you I can see the look in your eyes”.  Well… yeah.  Here’s an example, remember when I traipsed through the filthy fish market above?  We just threw the used shoe covers on the sidewalk after.  The “someone will clean this up” did not really varnish over the fact that 1) everything that was garbage we would just throw to the side and 2) I really don’t think that someone would ever come. 

That being said, I’m pro-litter anyway so I kinda loved it. 

Let’s conclude Mumbai with this—from a work perspective, had a great event at the top of the Four Seasons with some truly wealthy and generous people.  Was truly an amazing time—and I only saw a fraction.  Mumbai traffic is truly some of the worst I’d experienced.  But people were amazing.

Sunrise, Sunset. Actually, this was just sunset.

Delhi- Aka, Sam’s 36 hours trying to do legendary shit as quickly as possible with minimal sleep. 

Man, I could have just taken the metro.

Here’s the deal—I had two work meetings scheduled, and thus had to come to Delhi before the rest of my delegation.  But this afforded me one free night in Delhi!  So my choices were:

1)    Explore Delhi and enjoy the amazing hotel I was put in (Imperial Hotel, 10/10 do recommend) or

2)    Spurn the gift of luxury and go see the Taj Mahal 4 hours away when my meetings finished.

I sure chose #2.  And no regrets!

Unsurprisingly, better than the Taj in Atlantic City

Taj Mahal

Here’s the deal—the Taj ain’t exactly close to Delhi, and while there are a variety of ways to do it, none of them are foolproof.  Train / Bus Schedules can be delayed (especially during election season!) and Car Services can be very driver-dependent (more on that later) and traffic-dependent. 

I chose car.  Got one of those transfer dealies off Viator (shout out Viator!  Helping ignorant westerners like me for years) and headed up to spend the night there so I could take the sunrise tour of the Taj Mahal the next morning. 

The ride there was pretty unremarkable.  We only stopped once, and that was to go to a rest stop so my driver could relieve himself.  Did I want to do that?  No sirree Bob.  I saved my bladder to spare myself. 

Let me also note my driver’s quip about traffic in India--- “you need three things to drive in India: a good horn, good brakes, and good luck”.  Boy is that the truth.  Brief aside: we have no concept of hitting the horn in the states.  If you hear it stateside, you instinctively get nervous/pissed.  People here honk their horn with the blithe joy of a toddler in a play car.  Lanes in streets?  Mere suggestions by the way. 

Anyhow, 3.5 hours door to door, amazingly nice hotel in Delhi to decently nice hotel in Agra.  My tour guide is coming to get me at 5 am the next morning, so by the time I got there, I just conked out without dinner and went to bed. 

…the next morning

You can't look too happy in pictures. It's a rule.

Taj Mahal is gorgeous!  That’s the #1 plus here.  By the way in Agra, a city of about 2.5 million people (let’s call that the equivalent of a smaller city in Indiaa), it’s a bit of a cottage industry for dudes to give these tours.  And I do say dudes because they were almost exclusively dudes, I think I saw one woman out of maybe 50 tour guides we passed. 

Anyhow, my guy picks me up in a rickshaw (motorized!  I have to say that because I always pictured rickshaws like those wooden things they would take people for rides in in Chinatown) and starts telling me about life in Agra, all these things.  I’ll spare most of the babble you could google about this place, but

1)    It’s a mausoleum from the 1600s.  Spooky/scary? (no.)

2)    The gems inlaid in the marble (and they’re really proud about the marble) are pretty cool.  The red cornelian glows iin the early morning sunlight (or, more effectively, when you pay a dude 10 rupees to put a flashlight under it)

I mean... there's lots of this here. How they did this in 1600 something is impressive.

It’s cool and gorgeous, and the surrounding gardens smell like jasmine and sandalwood and it’s very relaxing.

That being said, this has to be one of the biggest tourist places in India (understandably so!).  You gotta refuse the “professional photographers” (myself and my guide were professional enough for me!) and any other goods being sold to you.  And at sunrise (I got there at 5:45 am), although one spot was deserted, most places are not.  So try and find that angle where it make it look like you are on your own!  Everyone wants to dodge the midday heat and larger crowds. 

I did really enjoy it… although I didn’t enjoy the thing after where my guide tried to jam in “extra value” by taking me to the Agra fort and to “his friend’s marble business”—it’s a cold day in Agra before I pay $100 USD for coasters, tyvm.  But I had to be back in Delhi by the afternoon, so I had him take me back to the hotel and got in another car service back to my hotel in Delhi. 

An interesting ride back 

I don’t want to be a dick--- and don’t all great stories start like that—but if I’m paying you directly to get me to my place, I don’t want a lot of dilly dallying along the way.  AKA, if we stop for lunch and so you can go to the bathroom (which by the way, did not happen on the way there), I don’t want you going back for seconds and thirds at the lunch counter, and mingling with all your fellow tour guides for an hour.  30 minutes?  Sure!  But an hour out of a journey that takes 3.5 hours seems too much.  

Also, this guy was not a great driver.  Perhaps the hint at this was when he told me how much he had been driving and how little sleep he had gotten recently.  I could see him veering consistently to the side of the road.  He even tapped a car in front of us at a toll plaza at one point, leading to some argument about damage that just led him to driving away after some brief explanation that did not really pacify the other driver. 

This is also a good time to mention that the reason I had to get back early was I had to leave for my reception for work by 4 pm.  If he had done this the way it happened for me the day before, I would have been back by 1:30, I’d have a chance to eat lunch at the hotel, shower, and prep for the event.  Instead, we get caught in traffic by the time we hit Delhi (seemed like a lot of people demonstrating for the upcoming elections) and no lunch for Sammy.  I did skip the roadstop lunch which would have been KFC below… but part of it was I didn’t want to chance any digestive issues before my event.  My driver also could have taken that advice by the way… he was stricken with some pretty epic flatulence which he tried to disguise by rolling down the window in the car a few times.  You ain’t slick. 

Quick aside: KFC India menu looks fire though.

A nice party

I was really nervous about this party, mostly because 1) I found out the day of that the address we’d given out on the invitation was not right, and while I sent a correction, no one reads their emails and 2) this was hosted by a very well to-do person, and I wanted to make a good impression.  But check out this house! 

Sick.  Sammy likes pictures by cool elephant statues / flower arrangements. 

"In this business of show, you must have the heart of an angel and the hide of an elephant"-- Tobias Funke

Honestly, after the party though, while I got invited out for late night dosas, I had a flight to Dublin where I had to leave my hotel at 3 am.  So I prioritized getting 3 hours of sleep over some bangarang masala dosas. 

Underrated things about India

Vadas- —Where have these little donuts been all my life!!!  With like whole black peppercorns in them sometimes?  Chefs kiss. 

You know what? This isn't my picture. But I liked these things so much I used something from google images.

Feeding Cows to cleanse Karma- They like it, and I like it.

You can feed them random brown balls or green hay. I preferred random brown balls.